[UA] Snippets of conversation from my wife's work place

[Sean McGuinness]

"Did you know that preserved human muscle looks a lot
like tuna flakes encased in lard?"

"The worst thing is when you stand up after working on
a cadaver and realise that your hair's been dangling
in the body cavity."

"When the anaesthetic wore off mid-procedure, we
realised that there was a problem. We later found out
he'd smoked seven spliffs beforehand, which would
explain why he was screaming: 'The spiders... The
spiders are coming for me!' as he thrashed around.
Unfortunately, we had an £8000 piece of equipment
inserted into one of his lungs at the time and, to be
honest, we were more worried about that." 

Regarding the texture of fresh brain:
"It's a lot like firm scrambled egg."
"You mean, like the stuff you get at McDonalds?"
<thinks> "Yes, actually."

On cutting fixed brains:
"It's like slicing cheese with a very sharp knife.
Except it doesn't tend to stick to the knife."

"Even though they're fixed in formalin, cadavers still
tend to be quite juicy, and sometimes they spurt when
you cut into them. The worst thing is when a bit hits
your mouth and you automatically lick your lips. Yeah,
most doctors have eaten a bit of human at some point
in their training." 

"I realised they hadn't killed it properly when the
black bag started scuttling across the floor."

"Have you heard of the Dance of Death? When you want
to work on neural tissue, you give the animal a lethal
injection, flush out its blood with saline and then
pump fixative through its system to preserve the
tissues. The thing is that formalin stimulates firing
of neurons. Specifically, it triggers slow muscle
contractions as it moves through the body. So, first
it uncurls its left front paw and stretches out the
limb. Then it turns its head to the side and opens its
jaw. Then the right forelimb moves. It looks like the
animal is stretching and yawning in a very human
manner. Which is a bit disturbing when its lying there
with its chest open." 

"Disco is dead.  I should know - I wielded the hammer." 
- Rosalyn, Duchess of Vogue


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