[UA] 10 Most American Things

[Rev Kev]

"I'm kicking off a Twinpeaksey campaign in a few weeks -- a small North-
state town, take elements from TP and every other small town story out 
there -- inspired by a rerun, and as a non-American locating his campaign 
in the States, I'd like to know: what are the most American things that 
every European should include in his/her (UA) campaign set in the States?"

Ah, this is the moment where an American can proudly display how great his country is, and I am just simply embarrassed by the list.  But here goes:

1.  Football fans.  Not the real football that involves playing with your feet, but American football.  I don't know enough about football, but the Seattle Seahawks is in the northwest.  However, I find that a homogenous fan base exists only in the city of the team (for example, you find very few non-Chiefs fans in Kansas City).  As you move away from the big cities, you probably have a wide array of Packers fans, Broncos fans, 49ers fans, etc.  During the fall, the bars will be running games on the TV.  College football too.  Actually, in a small town where nothing much is going on, the locals will probably watch anything.  The trifecta of American sports seems to focus on football, baseball, and basketball.  In the northwest, I suspect there may be a bigger draw toward hockey than where I am.

2.  Piss-drinking.  By this, I mean the cheap beers that the average slob drinks.  Budweiser, Miller, Coors.  We joked in college about how incredibly thrifty it was to buy Milwaukee's Best (Beast).  I don't even know if they still crank out that crap.  But the bars in your town will probably serve those three beers.  It'll have some hard liquor for men who are serious about getting plastered.  But Woodchuck or Guiness is out of the question for the average drinker.

3.  Religious billboards.  While the west coast is better about religion than the rest of the nation, rural is rural, and rural people tend to be more Christian.  I'll speculate that the northwest rural is not as mad-ass crazy as the south, but you can turn up or turn down the zeal factor.  Your town might be just as nuts as rural folks in Alabama.  Expect to see billboards advertising Christian radio stations, a "Why don't you stop in and see me" message from Jesus, and "Abortion stops a beating heart" warnings.  Despite the overly religious billboards, the people usually don't bring it up.  Either they are simply polite about it or they cannot possibly imagine that you do not love Jesus, so controversy never comes up.  Of course, nuts do exist, and you can have fun with that.

4.  Hunting.  Hunting is a recreation in many rural towns.  In the northwest, I imagine a lot more, as the country there is very productive.  It wouldn't be unheard of for one guy to tell his buddy, "We're going hunting tomorrow.  Wanna go?"  The buddy would agree as if it were nothing more than an invitation to come over and watch a movie.  They may stay at the bar until 2 AM, sleep for 2 hours, and head out at 4 AM.  

5.  Industry.  As someone mentioned, lumber mills would be big.  A rural town usually exists because it has something to keep people there.  Many children grow up and move away.  Some stay there and aspire to serve in the industry.  In Pittsburg, Kansas, the big industry was coal mining.  In Maryville, Missouri, there are few factories to keep locals employed.  Hell, always factories.  A friend of mine worked as a temp at a factory in Maryville.  He worked beside someone who was also new.  He told my friend that he couldn't wait to get out of high school so he could work full time on the assembly line at Kawasaki.  

6.  Liberal college.  Some rural towns exist around a college, especially a state college.  This definition of rural may not jive with you.  Maryville and Pittsburg are towns that are about 10,000 people.  If that's too large for you, then skip the college.  On the other hand, a college may provide a haven for your characters.  Due to the nature of youth, the college will usually be more liberal than the rest of the town.  I worked for a boss in Maryville who absolutely hated the college kids.  He bragged about how he dropped out of high school and is running his own business now.  Who needs fucking education?  The college may have a symbiotic relationship with the town, or it may have an antagonistic approach, as the college kids get druink in their bars.

7.  Church.  In a very small town, it's a given that you go to church, and people can tell when you haven't.  A friend of mine told me of the first time she moved to a small town in Georgia.  A very small town.  One Sunday, she got a knock on the door.  It was one of the townspeople who wanted to make sure she was okay.  The townie was worried when she noticed that the newcomer wasn't at church.  You could go that crazy, but many small towns just assume that you should go to church, and they don't really notice if you don't go.  I imagine that in the northwest, this isn't a big deal.  You can expect to see a church every couple blocks, though.  

8.  Child abuse.  My ex-girlfriend was studying to be a teacher.  She student-taught at the local elementary school in Maryville.  She learned that over half the kids come from homes where a parent regularly beats them.  In my opinion, I think more kids are beaten than we know, simply because some kids are too afraid to come forward.  This seems to be a larger percentage in a smaller town, but I don't have the research to back that up.  Knocked-up unwed mothers are fairly common (true anywhere).  Sometimes, the unfit parent still gets to see the child.  A friend of mine had trouble winning custody of his daughter because the state of Kansas almost always sides with the mother.  He had to pile on the evidence that the mother did drugs, lived in lice-infested squalor due to not paying the electricity and water bills, and did not drive the girl to school every day.  Finally, he won custody, but it took about a year.  

9.  Xenophobia.  This is a nice term for racists and homophobes.  Even the nicest of people will utter some slur.  It may not even be an indication that the person hates the entire group, but it's a convenient label to slap on people that piss him off.  For example, my grandmother-in-law doesn't hate Mexicans, but when she complains about the inconsiderate neighbors, she refers to them as "those Mexicans."  Some people have more aggressive xenophobic attitudes.  Matthew Shepard is a casualty of such attitudes in a small town.  Even if people are not rabid racists and homophobes, they may still engage in some fag or nigger jokes.

10.  Conspiracy theorists.  This is not limited to just small towns.  There are people who are convinced that the Moon Landing was staged.  There are those who believe in the Magic Bullet theory.  Usually, these people live ordinary lives.  You may have some nut jobs who want to convince the world of their beliefs.  Not entirely related to conspiracy theories, but you may find a lot of survivalists out in the northwest.  I saw a documentary about survivalists in that region who chose Idaho and Montana as ideal places to raise their families; other locations are prone toward tornadoes, earthquakes, and hurricanes.  Many survivalists are honest folks who don't want to deal with society that often.  Some--the ones you usually hear about in the news--are bat shit crazy and will eventually have a shootout with authorities.

Those are 10 things that spring to mind.

Some movies you may want to rent:  A Simple Plan, Arlington Road, Deliverance, Sling Blade, Near Dark, Nightbreed, American History X, The Ref, and Donnie Darko.
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