[UA] Lovely, pointless lateral thinking

Tue Jan 23 10:15:55 PST 2007

As long as it's not one of her obsession shows. Synchronicity works both ways. Going to the bathroom during 'Lost', and you're bound to come back a minute too late and miss your charge. speaking of which;

Television input, Videomancer Output
Artifact, plot hook, thing man was not supposed to let watch TV.

"Ah.. surfin' the internet. Great habit you are developin' there, kid. Whatcha lookin' at? Hmm... that there's interestin', reminds me of a story; Yeah,another of the crazy old cobweb farmer's stories. Shut up kid.

   So, I guess you heard the story of that loony-tunes vidiot in Philly that hexed up his TiVo? No? Well apparently he had this great idea that instead of storing TV shows, the damn box could be made to just store the charges from the TV shows. Word is he got with some less savory types to do the deed, even had some boozehound hardwire an old dead vidiot into the works to store the juice. 

   Yeah a demon, you're quick, a regular Sherlock Homey. Well, they didn't think it would be a problem. After all, Demon's hard-on is for watching TV anyway, they are just sticking it in a box that does nothing else, and then there's the little matter of the spiritual lobotomy. But we don't talk about that. Hey! I just said we don't talk about that, I ain't gonna be no juicebox for a boozehound for passin' on their secrets. What? Oh yeah, thing worked great, Worked too damn well. 

   You ever see that 80's thing 'Max Headroom'? Blipverts? Fuck, you _Are_ too young for this. He was.. oh never mind who he was. Google him later, Mister Internet wizard. Well, all those charges were getting stored in the TiVo, at first it was cool, he only was using it on one show, to test it you know, and when he hit the TiVo, the charge would pump into him, along with all the the television show in about 2 seconds. Yeah. headache city. But hey, he figures, he can have his cake and eat it too now, right? Hey, don't google that shit now, pay attention, there's a point to this. So, after a few weeks it didn't even cause headaches anymore. So he decides to go whole hog: He programs it for M*A*S*H. 

   Yeah, I know it's an 'old crappy dust fart show'. Shut up kid. Well problem is, MASH shows about 50 times a day, in all sorts of languages. His TV runs for a couple days, and god only knows how many charges it had. He goes back, sits down, hits the remote.. and boom, his head explodes. No, I'm not joking. No one knows if it was the power, or the information rush, or a little of both. No I'm not making this crap up. Christ, kid, you can bite a chunk out of your arm and then make people get all mushy and sculptable on you, and you can't believe in a head popping TiVo.

   Anyways, cops are cleaning up the mess, and one sees this here TiVo, and he's gotta have it, I mean GOTTA. Like it was the damn NG tape or somethin. So he clips it. A few days later, they find this cop all dead on his couch, staring at static, caked blood on his face from where it was runnin out of his nose, his ears, his eyes, his mouth. And that damn TiVo is gone. What? Ennnn Geeee... Naaaaked Goooodess. Yeah, glad I could clear that crap up for you, Einstein. No, you can google her later.

  Yeah, kid, I'm getting to the point. 

  See, his body all up and disappears from the morgue. Some dude finds it in a department store staring blankly at all these TV screens when he opens up in the morning. Yeah, he's still dead. Cops think it's all some sort of sick joke. Well they put him back on ice, and before they can autopsy him, a week goes by, and bam, he disappears again, and they find the corpse in some sports bar. Yeah, staring at a TV. So anyways. this Cop's favorite TV show was Criminal Minds. That's right genius, he'd disappear before the show, same time every week. Anyways, they get him slabbed and cremated before the next week goes by.

  But funny thing is, and the cops are keepin' this quiet, cause they are startin' to think it's some crazy corpse defiler, or serial killer, but, other bodies start turning up the same way and pulling disappearing acts. A few of 'em, they can't find, I guess they were crazy about daily shows or something. Word is, some government dudes grabbed a couple of the bodies, and they got one in quanitco that just sits and 'watches' CNN all day. Spooky thing is, apparently they can ask it questions about wha... what? Yeah, it's all fuckin' spooky when you're new, your definition of spooky is gonna change in a few years. So where was I. Yeah, they can ask it questions about what it saw on CNN, and it will freaking ANSWER them. yeah it kind of _does_ sound like a television zombie TiVo corpse. They say the president asks it about his approval ratings and shit. I don't know what 'they', just 'THEY'... christ, boy.

  What about the TiVo? Oh yeah, so I guess it's still out there making TeeVee Zombies. Nobody knows why, but rumor is, it's self aware now, and gets charges from it's zombies watching TV. Maybe it's the Demon all woken up, maybe it's the demon of the vidiot that made the thing, maybe it's just a fucked up magic device with it's own alien wants and needs now. I don't know. I'm not going to go look for it. Last I heard, it was selling itself cheap on... Oh _now_ you get it E-bay boy. Yeah. Careful what you buy there. Sometimes a deal ain't no deal.

  Yeah, I'm done with today's crappy object lesson. Whatever. Go ahead and google the shit I just said, that you don't understand and go back to your freaky, body modification porn. What? Kid, I'm old, I still know how to use the History tab in my own damn computer..."
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Dean Reilly 
  To: The Unknown Armies RPG Mailing List 
  Sent: Monday, January 22, 2007 11:05 PM
  Subject: Re: [UA] Lovely, pointless lateral thinking

  Also, when a videomancer leaves the room during a commercial break, to get a drink or go to the toilet or something, the show he/she's watching always comes on just as he's sitting down again.  ALWAYS.

  Greg Stolze <gregstolze at comcast.net> wrote: 
    Videomancers?  They ALWAYS can find the remote.  Not just THEIR remote, either.

    -G.\

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  _______________________________________________
  UA mailing list
  UA at lists.unknown-armies.com
  http://lists.unknown-armies.com/mailman/listinfo/ua
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: http://lists.unknown-armies.com/pipermail/ua/attachments/20070123/095b8f6f/attachment-0001.html