[UA] Lovely, pointless lateral thinking

Tue Jan 23 10:53:31 PST 2007

Damn, that's cool. Plus, that's a hell of an alternative to saying 'no' when
your players pester you to let them TIVO their favorite show for charges.

"Oh, suuurrrre you can. No, no, go right ahead . . ."

---JRC

On 1/23/07, Jade Hammons <xadxevion at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>  As long as it's not one of her obsession shows. Synchronicity works both
> ways. Going to the bathroom during 'Lost', and you're bound to come back a
> minute too late and miss your charge. speaking of which;
>
>
> Television input, Videomancer Output
> Artifact, plot hook, thing man was not supposed to let watch TV.
>
> "Ah.. surfin' the internet. Great habit you are developin' there, kid.
> Whatcha lookin' at? Hmm... that there's interestin', reminds me of a story;
> Yeah,another of the crazy old cobweb farmer's stories. Shut up kid.
>
>    So, I guess you heard the story of that loony-tunes vidiot in Philly
> that hexed up his TiVo? No? Well apparently he had this great idea that
> instead of storing TV shows, the damn box could be made to just store the
> charges from the TV shows. Word is he got with some less savory types to do
> the deed, even had some boozehound hardwire an old dead vidiot into the
> works to store the juice.
>
>    Yeah a demon, you're quick, a regular Sherlock Homey. Well, they didn't
> think it would be a problem. After all, Demon's hard-on is for watching TV
> anyway, they are just sticking it in a box that does nothing else, and then
> there's the little matter of the spiritual lobotomy. But we don't talk about
> that. Hey! I just said we don't talk about that, I ain't gonna be no
> juicebox for a boozehound for passin' on their secrets. What? Oh yeah, thing
> worked great, Worked too damn well.
>
>    You ever see that 80's thing 'Max Headroom'? Blipverts? Fuck, you _Are_
> too young for this. He was.. oh never mind who he was. Google him
> later, Mister Internet wizard. Well, all those charges were getting stored
> in the TiVo, at first it was cool, he only was using it on one show, to test
> it you know, and when he hit the TiVo, the charge would pump into him, along
> with all the the television show in about 2 seconds. Yeah. headache city.
> But hey, he figures, he can have his cake and eat it too now, right? Hey,
> don't google that shit now, pay attention, there's a point to this. So,
> after a few weeks it didn't even cause headaches anymore. So he decides to
> go whole hog: He programs it for M*A*S*H.
>
>    Yeah, I know it's an 'old crappy dust fart show'. Shut up kid. Well
> problem is, MASH shows about 50 times a day, in all sorts of languages. His
> TV runs for a couple days, and god only knows how many charges it had. He
> goes back, sits down, hits the remote.. and boom, his head explodes. No, I'm
> not joking. No one knows if it was the power, or the information rush, or a
> little of both. No I'm not making this crap up. Christ, kid, you can bite a
> chunk out of your arm and then make people get all mushy and sculptable on
> you, and you can't believe in a head popping TiVo.
>
>    Anyways, cops are cleaning up the mess, and one sees this here TiVo,
> and he's gotta have it, I mean GOTTA. Like it was the damn NG tape or
> somethin. So he clips it. A few days later, they find this cop all dead on
> his couch, staring at static, caked blood on his face from where it was
> runnin out of his nose, his ears, his eyes, his mouth. And that damn TiVo is
> gone. What? Ennnn Geeee... Naaaaked Goooodess. Yeah, glad I could clear
> that crap up for you, Einstein. No, you can google her later.
>
>   Yeah, kid, I'm getting to the point.
>
>   See, his body all up and disappears from the morgue. Some dude finds it
> in a department store staring blankly at all these TV screens when he opens
> up in the morning. Yeah, he's still dead. Cops think it's all some sort of
> sick joke. Well they put him back on ice, and before they can autopsy him, a
> week goes by, and bam, he disappears again, and they find the corpse in some
> sports bar. Yeah, staring at a TV. So anyways. this Cop's favorite TV show
> was Criminal Minds. That's right genius, he'd disappear before the show,
> same time every week. Anyways, they get him slabbed and cremated before the
> next week goes by.
>
>   But funny thing is, and the cops are keepin' this quiet, cause they are
> startin' to think it's some crazy corpse defiler, or serial killer, but,
> other bodies start turning up the same way and pulling disappearing acts. A
> few of 'em, they can't find, I guess they were crazy about daily shows or
> something. Word is, some government dudes grabbed a couple of the bodies,
> and they got one in quanitco that just sits and 'watches' CNN all day.
> Spooky thing is, apparently they can ask it questions about wha... what?
> Yeah, it's all fuckin' spooky when you're new, your definition of spooky is
> gonna change in a few years. So where was I. Yeah, they can ask it questions
> about what it saw on CNN, and it will freaking ANSWER them. yeah it kind of
> _does_ sound like a television zombie TiVo corpse. They say the president
> asks it about his approval ratings and shit. I don't know what 'they', just
> 'THEY'... christ, boy.
>
>   What about the TiVo? Oh yeah, so I guess it's still out there making
> TeeVee Zombies. Nobody knows why, but rumor is, it's self aware now, and
> gets charges from it's zombies watching TV. Maybe it's the Demon all woken
> up, maybe it's the demon of the vidiot that made the thing, maybe it's just
> a fucked up magic device with it's own alien wants and needs now. I don't
> know. I'm not going to go look for it. Last I heard, it was selling itself
> cheap on... Oh _now_ you get it E-bay boy. Yeah. Careful what you buy there.
> Sometimes a deal ain't no deal.
>
>   Yeah, I'm done with today's crappy object lesson. Whatever. Go ahead and
> google the shit I just said, that you don't understand and go back to your
> freaky, body modification porn. What? Kid, I'm old, I still know how to use
> the History tab in my own damn computer..."
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> *From:* Dean Reilly <retrophrenologist at yahoo.com>
> *To:* The Unknown Armies RPG Mailing List <ua at lists.unknown-armies.com>
> *Sent:* Monday, January 22, 2007 11:05 PM
> *Subject:* Re: [UA] Lovely, pointless lateral thinking
>
> Also, when a videomancer leaves the room during a commercial break, to get
> a drink or go to the toilet or something, the show he/she's watching always
> comes on just as he's sitting down again.  ALWAYS.
>
> *Greg Stolze <gregstolze at comcast.net>* wrote:
>
> Videomancers?  They ALWAYS can find the remote.  Not just THEIR remote,
> either.
>
> -G.\
>
>  ------------------------------
> Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta.<http://us.rd.yahoo.com/evt=42297/*http://advision.webevents.yahoo.com/mailbeta>
>
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